TriassicDoc El Presidente
Joined: 25 Mar 2007 Posts: 1235 Location: Poughquag
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Posted: Sun Jan 12, 2014 8:39 pm Post subject: Conquering Fear: PTSD and biking |
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I have some PTSD issues that have somehow translated from riding horses to bikes. I have struggled with certain fears ever since I started mtbing back in 2006, but those fears got much worse after a couple of really bad accidents with horses. After my last really bad horse incident--which was at a high speed fall that resulted in a broken back, my comfort zone became more restricted and I found that I was having actual panic attacks when I got back to riding bikes and horses. I was able to get through some of the problems with help from my dressage instructor, who taught the horse to canter on cue no matter how much I resisted (and she took my reins away and put the horse on a lunge line so I couldn't stop him). With biking, I hired an amazing coach who taught me that it is OK to feel fear, but I still have to do whatever it is I am afraid of.
That worked to a certain extent, but I have recently learned a new way to actually conquer my fear instead of just dealing with it.
After learning tricks that helped me "get by" with steep hills on my road bike or drops on the mtb, I was still having panic attacks and stopping, even walking down hills on my road bike. I was really upset about this, but I was so panicked sometimes that I really could not stay on my bike. My hands were cramping from holding the brakes. Some of the time I was able to coast down these hills or get over big logs or down drops, but it took a lot of effort and many tries. I was getting stronger and better, but my overall speed was seriously stifled because of my fear, and having fear also is an energy drain.
I recently learned a new tool that I was able to test today and I was absolutely floored with the results, so I thought I would share here in case anyone else has the same PTSD issues from having had a bad fall or incident, even if it was unrelated to biking.
I used to blame my panic attacks on the road bike on the weather or cold--I was cramping up because I was so cold that my hands could not grip the brakes. I knew this wasn't true, but I couldn't figure it out or how to solve the problem, so I used that as an excuse.
The tool that I used today (on the road) was to not only accept that I would be afraid of certain downhills, which may have been icy or slick or gravelly, but to LOVE the feeling of fear and the pain that might result from a fall. Every time there was a downhill, I yelled, out loud, "Bring it on!!" and "I love fear! Fear makes me stronger!" And going up hills I used more power by saying, "I love hills! Pain is great! Pain will make me stronger!!"
I can't believe how well it worked. Instead of curbing my speed to 15-20mph on downhills, I was often at 25+mph, up to a max speed of 34mph (not super long hills, so I never got past that, but I felt like I would have). I also pushed harder on climbs. I ended up biking for over 3 hours, even though I had only planned to ride for 2. When I got cold and sweaty towards the end of the ride, I started to yell, "I love the cold! Pain is great!" and it helped me deal with the cold, but I can't say that I really did love it.
I am very excited and can't wait to try this out on the trails, or skiing, but I will wait until the conditions are better.
As for riding horses, I have been over my ptsd for a while thanks to Quattro, an equine friend who tries really hard to do everything I ask without question, even when the questions I ask are really hard for him to answer |
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